From Publishers Weekly
Near the beginning of this thoughtful, sensitive self-help book, Thompkins tells the story of how his mother, a "Strong Black Woman" and hardworking nurse, eventually found happiness after suffering a mild heart attack. "She discovered true inner peace for the first time," he writes. "Watching Mom reach this level of self-acceptance, self-caretaking, self-love and self-forgiveness was the greatest gift she could have given me." Now the life coach and professional speaker aims to help other Strong Black Women find that sort of peace. His approach is refreshingly nuanced: rather than lay out seven golden rules for Strong Black Women to follow, he offers probing questions, practical suggestions and dozens of first hand accounts from the women themselves and from the men whose lives they’ve influenced (sons, husbands, lovers, friends). Thus, his book functions as a starting point for deeper dialog and understanding. Chapters on mother-daughter relationships, dating, keeping the faith, creating a meaningful livelihood, healing from loss and reclaiming joy are arranged to cover all the permutations of self, platonic and romantic love. And Thompkins clearly has gone out of his way to include a variety of viewpoints, including those of people involved in interracial or gay or lesbian relationships. "By the sole virtues of my race and gender I was supposed to be the consummate professional, handle my life crisis, be the dependable rock for every soul who needed me, and, yes—the classic—require less from my lovers than they did from me," one woman explains. Thompkins shows women how to find a way out of that bind without losing their independence or themselves.Copyright © Reed Business Information, a division of Reed Elsevier Inc. All rights reserved.
From Booklist
Thompkins weighs in on the pros and cons of the myth of the strong black woman. Conceding the doubts that will be provoked by a black man writing about a black woman's issues, Thompkins is nonetheless quite sensitive and offers the perspective of black men in the historic perpetuation of the myth, which he notes has created costly emotional baggage for black women. Basing his work on interviews with black women (and men) from a range of ages, backgrounds, and classes, Thompkins relates the individual experiences of women being "chronic caregivers," overly sacrificial, and neglectful of what they need to nurture themselves and others. He examines romantic, platonic, and self-love and offers advice on how women can balance their own interests and those of others. He admonishes women not to become trapped in the image of strength and lose sight of their own personal needs. Although the focus is culturally specific to black women, he broadens his advice to include women of all races. Vanessa Bush
Copyright © American Library Association. All rights reserved
Essence
"Shoots down the Black Superwoman myth and offers on-point affirmations to help women create joyful lives."
Jamal E. Watson, New York Amsterdam News
"A must read, not only for black women, but for all people concerned about the...struggles that black women face."
Rosa Parks
"Toby Thompkins is to be commended for honoring and holding dear Strong Black Women."
Ebony
"Illustrates the costs involved in measuring up to this archetypal image—one of the most...enduring in American Society."
Book Description
In this warm, sensitive and straightforward self-help guide for African American women, Toby Thompkins explores the triumphs, struggles and lessons necessary to transcend the stereotypes and overcome the consequences of being a "strong black woman." Culled from interviews with both black women and black men from all walks of life, the personal stories Thompkins uses to illustrate his ideas and communicate his healing message illustrate the costs involved in measuring up to this archetypal image, one of the most powerful and enduring in American society.
In reality, as Thompkins demonstrates, despite the almost universal respect and deference afforded the strong black women ideal, it can be more limiting than it is empowering. Too often, women of color feel compelled to become "chronic caregivers," sacrificing their ability to become truly free and fulfilled individuals-at great emotional and physical cost. Through the wisdom culled from the stories of these different women's experiences and his own compassionate, insightful analysis, Thompkins makes the case for the need to supplant the myth of the strong black woman, particularly so that women can better understand and respond to their urgent need to care for themselves. He offers effective strategies by which women of any color can reclaim themselves and create lives characterized by new dimensions of fulfillment, love and joy.
Toby Thompkins has spent 20 years working for and consulting with Fortune 100 companies on leadership, leveraging human capital and managing success. In addition, he works as a life coach and professional speaker on the topics of personal growth, relationships, and cultural and social healing. He was formerly a columnist for the self-help magazine Miracle Journeys and has conducted self-help workshops in several major cities with The Whole Life Expo. He lives in New York City.
About the Author
Toby Thompkins has spent 20 years working for and consulting with Fortune 100 companies on leadership, leveraging human capital and managing success. In addition, he works as a life coach and professional speaker on the topics of personal growth, relationships, and cultural and social healing. He was formerly a columnist for the self-help magazine Miracle Journeys and has conducted self-help workshops in several major cities with The Whole Life Expo. He lives in New York City.
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