What Would Betty Do? How to Succeed at the Expense of Others in This World--and the Next

FROM OUR EDITORS

The Barnes & Noble Review
For those of you who have ever wondered what every saved woman should have in her purse in case of rapture, how to inspire envy on Judgment Day, or what you can do to simply be a better person than everyone else on the planet, no one has more answers than Mrs. Betty Bowers. The creation of Paul A. Bradley, Betty Bowers has given a new meaning to "holier-than-thou," daily drawing thousands of searching souls to her web site (a.k.a. Betty Bowers Is a Better Christian than You!). Now, from her Louis Quinze desk in her stylish Atlanta, Georgia, home, America's Best Christian offers survival tips, letters, interpretations of the Bible, and more, in What Would Betty Do?

No longer must we quibble over the mixed messages sent by the "Lie-beral" media; instead, we need only ask ourselves the mantra, "What would Betty do?" to follow the righteous path of a True Christian™. As she never fails to remind us, Betty is very, very close to her Personal Savior, Jesus Christ -- and she's a perfect size four -- making her an excellent model for any rising Baptist or socialite. And having earned a life of luxury and status through her good works, she has the opportunity to offer candid advice to everyone from Dr. Laura to (born-again) Eminem to Laura Bush -- proving to each of them that she is "so close to Jesus, the Jews don't believe in me, either." We also get a glimpse of her leadership in B.I.T.C.H. (Bringing Integrity to Christian Homemakers), as well as her charitable guidance for younger women offered in S.L.U.T.S. (Saving Love Until the Sacrament) and her tireless work rescuing gays from the "hobby" of homosexuality in B.A.S.H. (Baptists Are Saving Homosexuals), the world's only Fortune 500 ex-gay ministry. Every step of the way, Betty Bowers offers us must-have Survival Tips that will get each of us more fashionably on our way to the Pearly Gates ("I fully realize that the sodomite King James was not our sort, but homosexuals, though damned, are traditionally very good with words."

In this wild, tongue-in-cheek rousting of the Christian Right, Paul A. Bradley has created a character who will have you laughing all the way to the "10 Sins or Less Express Lane" of the Gates of Heaven. Mrs. Betty Bowers is "so close to Jesus, he not only washes my feet, he shaves my legs while we gossip about Mary" -- and if you remember to ask, "What Would Betty Do?" -- someday, the same might be true for you. (Elise Vogel)

FROM THE PUBLISHER

Betty Bowers is a better Christian than you!

In a world of reflected glory and shameless name-dropping, no one can touch America's most puritanical pundit, Betty Bowers. Betty is so close to Jesus, He's given her His loaves and fish recipe. And only Betty knows how many shopping days there are until the Apocalypse. As she is fond of saying: "If God created me in His image, I have more than returned the compliment!"

In Prada and in prayer, Betty has devoted her life to bringing people the Good News: They are going straight to Hell. Thousands have aspired to emulate her joie d'apres vivre by logging on to her popular website, bettybowers.com. But only now, with What Would Betty Do? does she finally reveal her spiritual survival secrets. You'll discover how, come Judgment Day, to be whisked through the 10 Sins or Less express line. But first, you will have to learn how to vote (for God's Own Party, the Republicans), whom to hate (Lie-berals and other non-Baptists), and what to throw (a soirée -- and then a few stones!). "After all," warns Betty, "if Heaven is just going to involve running into all the people you avoided on Earth, what would be the point?"