No Way to Treat a First Lady
- Book Review,
by Christopher Buckley
Amazon.com
Christopher Buckley is not so much a novelist as a free-ranging satirist looking for targets. In Thank You for Smoking it was big tobacco and earnest reformers; in God Is My Broker it was business and religion; and in No Way to Treat a First Lady, it's the entire legal profession, not to mention the Washington establishment. The novel opens with the President of the United States returning to the conjugal bed after an illicit Lincoln Bedroom romp with the Streisandesque Babette Van Anka. His wife, the long-suffering Beth McMann, promptly clocks him with a Paul Revere spittoon. Several hours later he dies. "Lady Bethmac," as the First Lady is immediately dubbed by the media, is put on trial, and the resulting media circus gives Buckley lots of opportunity for nicely observed skewerings of legal culture. "Judge Dutch creaked forward in his chair. This is the source of the aura of judges: they have bigger chairs than anyone else. That and the fact that they can sentence people to sit in electrified ones. It's all about chairs." He gets in some neat neologisms--a lawyer performs a "credibilobotomy" on a witness--and sends up the pretensions of law TV: at a roundtable discussion, the guest from Harvard Law is invited "to provide gravitas and to shift uneasily in his seat when the other guests said something provocative." Buckley's Trial of the Millennium is so far-fetched that it seems entirely possible. --Claire Dederer
From Publishers Weekly
Matheson brings all the skills one would expect of an experienced actor to Buckley's latest romp. In a story that's equal parts satire and courtroom drama, Buckley (Thank You for Smoking) slings barbs at lawyers, politicos and Washington's social elite. After President Ken MacMann returns from a lusty night in the Lincoln Bedroom with actress Babette Van Anka, his wife, Elizabeth, hurls insults and a priceless Paul Revere spittoon at him. When MacMann is found dead the next morning with the word "Revere" embossed on his forehead, the first lady becomes the prime suspect. Buckley lays his cards openly on the table: one lawyer is nicknamed "Shameless," while another's last name is Crudman. And Matheson captures them all, whether rendering Shameless Baylor's mock indignation at being refused a preposterous motion or evoking the arrogant commentary on a show called Hard Gavel. He also does excellent turns as the flighty, would-be Middle East peace activist Van Anka, a host of other witnesses and the no-nonsense judge who tries to keep the Trial of the Millennium in check. This may not be the year's most substantive audio, but with a plot that seems just crazy enough to be true and a crisp performance by Matheson, it never fails to entertain.Copyright 2003 Reed Business Information, Inc.
From Library Journal
The first lady of Buckley's latest satire (after Little Green Men and Thank You for Smoking) is Elizabeth "Lady Beth Mac" MacMann, wife of President Kenneth Kemble MacMann. Kenneth, whose morals are as unreliable as a granny knot, meets an untimely death two and half years into his first term. Indicted for his murder, Elizabeth hires as her defender the one and only Boyce "Shameless" Baylor, to whom she had once been affianced. Elizabeth doesn't wear the widow's weeds long before she and her hotshot legal adviser get together for some unprotected fun in bed, with unintended but not unusual results. In strict story terms, the novel is a long tease-how many witnesses and how much testimony do we have to hear before finding out what really happened that fateful night in September? But it's worth the wait. The book is shot through with a particularly mordant vein of social satire and mocks the ludicrousness of modern life, something to which we've become numb. This should be on your list, near the top.A.J. Anderson, GSLIS, Simmons Coll., Boston Copyright 2002 Reed Business Information, Inc.
From AudioFile
The philandering President of the United States has died, nicked in the noggin by an antique Revere spittoon. Evidence points to the first lady. Only Boyce "Shameless" Boyer, the best and most unscrupulous criminal attorney in the world, can save her. But they have baggage--she jilted him 25 years earlier in favor of the suitor she is now accused of killing. Part satire, part legal thriller, this book gets a nice read from Tim Matheson. He is perhaps a bit too coarse to put across some of the wittier ripostes and asides; otherwise, he keeps things moving briskly in a lucid, taut abridgment. Y.R. © AudioFile 2003, Portland, Maine-- Copyright © AudioFile, Portland, Maine
From Booklist
Forbes FYI columnist Buckley knows Washington politics and uses them to good effect in this outrageous and witty whodunit. When philandering President Ken MacMann is found dead, his bossy wife, Beth, irreverently dubbed Lady Bethmac by the press, is charged with his murder. To represent her, Beth hires her law school sweetheart Boyce "Shameless" Baylor, known for getting even the most deplorable defendants acquitted. Trouble is, the new White House definitely wants to put Lady Bethmac in her place, and what better way than with a guilty verdict? If all of these characters sound familiar, just wait until you meet the ineffectual VP who succeeds MacMann; the groveling, power-hungry journalists who run with rumors; the plethora of defense attorneys acting as talking heads; and the courtroom judge who just wants to come out of the case not looking like a fool. Thankfully, Boyce and Beth turn out to be adequately likable characters whose personas are more media-made than true to life. A wild romp of silliness and irreverence that's sure to please political junkies. Mary Frances Wilkens
Copyright © American Library Association. All rights reserved
Review
"Unspeakably and endlessly funny. Unless you're a former president…Wicked humorist Buckley shoots fish in a barrel and makes them dance."
-Kirkus (starred)
"The lurid sexual excesses of the late 90's provide plenty of comic fodder for Buckley's latest satire, which doubles as a legal thriller…The political humor is first-rate as usual, as Buckley has plenty of fun with the slimy, silly mess that is Beltway politics. This is one of his better efforts, which should keep Buckley on the "A' list of American satirists."
-Publishers Weekly (lead review)
“Buckley has surpassed himself....The result isn’t humorous; it’s hilarious.”
—Los Angeles Times Book Review
“An exceedingly funny account of a White House scandal that
doesn’t bear the slightest resemblance—nudge nudge, wink wink—
to one that took place there only five short years ago.”
—Jonathan Yardley, The Washington Post
“This clever, gleeful satire . . . sets a high comic standard.”
—Janet Maslin, The New York Times
“Christopher Buckley must have had a great time creating this satire that is part legal thriller, part love story and entirely over-the-top funny. But those who choose to pick it up can look forward to smart writing, memorable lines and more than a few belly laughs. [No Way to Treat a First Lady] doesn’t have to be a guilty pleasure; it can be enjoyed and shared because it is simply smart and light and very funny.”
—The Denver Post
Review
"Unspeakably and endlessly funny. Unless you're a former president?Wicked humorist Buckley shoots fish in a barrel and makes them dance."
-Kirkus (starred)
"The lurid sexual excesses of the late 90's provide plenty of comic fodder for Buckley's latest satire, which doubles as a legal thriller?The political humor is first-rate as usual, as Buckley has plenty of fun with the slimy, silly mess that is Beltway politics. This is one of his better efforts, which should keep Buckley on the "A' list of American satirists."
-Publishers Weekly (lead review)
?Buckley has surpassed himself....The result isn?t humorous; it?s hilarious.?
?Los Angeles Times Book Review
?An exceedingly funny account of a White House scandal that
doesn?t bear the slightest resemblance?nudge nudge, wink wink?
to one that took place there only five short years ago.?
?Jonathan Yardley, The Washington Post
?This clever, gleeful satire . . . sets a high comic standard.?
?Janet Maslin, The New York Times
?Christopher Buckley must have had a great time creating this satire that is part legal thriller, part love story and entirely over-the-top funny. But those who choose to pick it up can look forward to smart writing, memorable lines and more than a few belly laughs. [No Way to Treat a First Lady] doesn?t have to be a guilty pleasure; it can be enjoyed and shared because it is simply smart and light and very funny.?
?The Denver Post
Book Description
A New York Times Notable Book of the Year
Elizabeth Tyler MacMann, the ambitious First Lady of the United States (and known in the tabloids as “Lady Bethmac”), is on trial for the death of her philandering husband, and the only man who can save her is the boyfriend she jilted in law school—now the most shameless defense attorney in America. Published to rave reviews, No Way to Treat a First Lady is a hilariously warped love story for our time set in the funniest place in America: Washington, D.C.
From the Inside Flap
A New York Times Notable Book of the Year
Elizabeth Tyler MacMann, the ambitious First Lady of the United States (and known in the tabloids as “Lady Bethmac”), is on trial for the death of her philandering husband, and the only man who can save her is the boyfriend she jilted in law school—now the most shameless defense attorney in America. Published to rave reviews, No Way to Treat a First Lady is a hilariously warped love story for our time set in the funniest place in America: Washington, D.C.
From the Back Cover
"Unspeakably and endlessly funny. Unless you're a former president…Wicked humorist Buckley shoots fish in a barrel and makes them dance."
-Kirkus (starred)
"The lurid sexual excesses of the late 90's provide plenty of comic fodder for Buckley's latest satire, which doubles as a legal thriller…The political humor is first-rate as usual, as Buckley has plenty of fun with the slimy, silly mess that is Beltway politics. This is one of his better efforts, which should keep Buckley on the "A' list of American satirists."
-Publishers Weekly (lead review)
“Buckley has surpassed himself....The result isn’t humorous; it’s hilarious.”
—Los Angeles Times Book Review
“An exceedingly funny account of a White House scandal that
doesn’t bear the slightest resemblance—nudge nudge, wink wink—
to one that took place there only five short years ago.”
—Jonathan Yardley, The Washington Post
“This clever, gleeful satire . . . sets a high comic standard.”
—Janet Maslin, The New York Times
“Christopher Buckley must have had a great time creating this satire that is part legal thriller, part love story and entirely over-the-top funny. But those who choose to pick it up can look forward to smart writing, memorable lines and more than a few belly laughs. [No Way to Treat a First Lady] doesn’t have to be a guilty pleasure; it can be enjoyed and shared because it is simply smart and light and very funny.”
—The Denver Post
About the Author
Christopher Buckley is the author of eight previous books, including Thank You For Smoking and Little Green Men. That would make this his, what, ninth? He is editor of Forbes FYI magazine and has contributed over 50 “Shouts and Murmurs” to The New Yorker. He is also credited with bringing about lasting peace in the Middle East and with alerting NASA to significant problems with its Space Shuttle Automatic Re-entry Guidance System (SSAEGS), thereby sparing several square blocks of Raleigh, North Carolina a very unpleasant surprise. He is a regular contributor to Martha Stewart’s Inside Trading magazine and informally advises the government of Argentina on debt re-scheduling. He is the 2002 recipient of the Washington Irving Medal for Literary Excellence, but has yet actually to receive it. He lives in Washington, D.C. with his saintly and long-suffering wife Lucy, two children and faithful Hound Jake.
From the Hardcover edition.
Excerpt. © Reprinted by permission. All rights reserved.
Chapter 1
His secretary announced simply, “It’s her.”
There was no ambiguity as to who “her” might be, not after the force twelve media storm of the previous weeks. The country was convulsed. Seven-eighths of the nation’s front pages and the evening news was devoted to it. If war had broken out with Russia and China, it might have made page two.
“Shameless” Baylor had spent much of the previous seventeen days wondering if Beth MacMann would have the balls to call him.
He was, at age not quite fifty, the top trial attorney in the country. He had been the first lawyer to charge $1,000 per hour, which—for too long—had been considered the unbreakable sound barrier of legal billing.
There were half a dozen second-best trial attorneys each of whom, naturally, considered him- or herself the top trial attorney in the country. But none of them had been simultaneously on the covers of all three weekly newsmagazines, none had been portrayed in movies by a famous British actor pretending to be American. None owned a professional baseball team. And, to be sure, none had been married and divorced four times. The previous record had stood at three. That he had any assets left after such serial marital wreckage was perhaps the greatest testament to his courtroom skills.
He hadn’t been baptized “Shameless.” In fact, up to the moment he set out to become the best trial attorney in the country he had been the soul of decency, what used to go by the name of “Christian gentleman,” a veritable poster boy for all that is good and sunny in human nature. His real name was Boyce, and at his baptism, his godparents firmly rejected Satan on his behalf. The rejection lasted until an event that occurred to him just before he graduated from law school.
The nickname had been given to him by a federal judge early in Boyce’s controversial career, after he had persuaded a jury that his client, the Cap’n Bob Fast Fish Restaurant chain, was unaware that its popular Neptune Burgers were made from black market Japanese whale meat. Since that stunning victory, Boyce had successfully defended traitors, terrorists, inside traders, politicians, mobsters, blackmailers, polluters, toxic-waste dumpers, cheats, insurance frauds, drug dealers, horse dopers, televangelists, hucksters, society wife batterers, cybermonopolists, and even fellow lawyers. An eminent legal scholar who wore bow ties commented on public television that if Shameless Baylor had defended Adolf Eichmann after he had been kidnapped and brought to Israel and tried for crimes against humanity, Eichmann would have been not only acquitted, but awarded damages. It was not said admiringly. But if Boyce’s fame had long since reached the point where shoeshine men in airports asked for his autograph, the public was largely unaware of the actual motivation for his remarkable career.
And now—a quarter century after his career began—his phone rang.
He reached for the button, then paused. He thought of telling the secretary to tell her to call back. Sometimes he put new clients through a ten- or fifteen-minute wait before picking up. Softened them up. Made them all the more eager.
Should he, to her? No. He had waited twenty-five years. He was too impatient to begin this beguine.
He felt the kettledrum in his chest. Good Lord. Was his pulse actually quickening? He, who never broke a sweat, even while arguing before the Supreme Court?
He picked up.
“Hello, Beth. What’ve you been up to?” This was nonchalance carried to operatic heights.
“I need to see you, Boyce.”
Her voice was all business. Cool as a martini, no more emotion than a flight attendant telling the passengers to put their seats in the upright position. He’d have preferred a little more raw emotion, frankly, even a stifled gasp or sob. Some clients, even burly men who could break your jaw with one lazy swipe of their paws, broke down the first time they spoke to him. Boyce kept a box of tissues in his office, like a shrink. One new client, the head of a plumbers union who had been taped by the FBI on the phone ordering the car bombing of a rival, had blubbered like an eight-year-old. He later blamed it on medication.
But even now, placing a call that must have humiliated her, Beth was in her own upright position, not a trace of begging or desperation in her voice. Boyce stiffened. His pulse returned to normal. Okay, babe, you want to play it cool? I’ll see your thirty-two degrees Fahrenheit and lower you five.
“I could see you tomorrow at ten-thirty,” he said. “For half an hour.”
It had been a long time since anyone had said something like that to Beth MacMann.
The two of them began the mental countdown to see who would blink first.
. . . seven . . . eight . . . nine . . .
“Fine,” she said.
“Will you be taking the shuttle?” He’d be damned if he’d send his own jet to pick her up.
“No, Boyce. I’ll be driving. I don’t relish the thought of being stared at for an hour on the shuttle.”
As a former First Lady, she retained Secret Service protection, another of the ironies in which she and the nation found themselves: prosecuted by the government, protected by the government. A Times columnist had mischievously posed the question: If in the end Beth MacMann was executed, would there be a shoot-out between the Secret Service and the lethal injectionist? So many delicious questions were being posed these days.
“Ten-thirty, then.”
Boyce leaned back in his leather throne and imagined the spectacle in all its many-pixeled splendor: hundreds of TV cameras and reporters outside his Manhattan office, clamoring, aiming their microphones like fetish sticks as the Secret Service phalanxed her through to the door. And there he would be standing, gorgeously, Englishly tailored, to greet her. His face would be on every television set in the world tomorrow. Peasants in Uzbekistan, ozone researchers in Antarctica, Amish farmers in Pennsylvania would recognize him.
He would issue a brief, dignified, noncommittal statement to the effect that this was only a preliminary meeting. He would smile, thank the media for its interest—Boyce was the Siegfried and Roy of media handlers—and usher her in. How satisfying it would be, after all these years. They were already calling it “the Trial of the Millennium,” and there he would be, at the red hot center of it. And maybe—just maybe—to make his revenge perfect, he would deliberately lose this one. But so subtly that even the Harvard Law bow tie brigade would hem and haw and say that no one, really, could have won this one, not even Shameless Baylor.
From the Hardcover edition.
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